a · little · space

I finally have a car after wrecking loooong ago.
Starting school on Jan.16th.
Things are loking gooood.
JP and I are still talking.
Only thing different is that my priorities have changed,
I don't care about partying or being well-liked anymore.
It's all fake.
I am SO happy just being myself now.
I am "lame" to a lot people now, but I don't care.
I spend a lot of time with my family now and JP.
I am not really close to any of my friends anymore because of drugs and their immaturity.
This is a new beginning in my life.
Things are changing.
And I am so ready for this world.

Life has been completely different lately.
I live at the Allens with JP of course.
I miss my home.
My mother.
My own closet…

Things have changed drastically just in the past few months. I wrecked my car and now I take the Metro bus. I live at James’ and work at the Galleria. I live like 50 miles away from home L

I've been so inspired to go back to school and to actually finish a class.

I'm not in denial anymore. I know I have screwed up in the past.
I've lost friends over my inability to finish anything and my partying.
I don't drink to get drunk anymore and drugs have never and will never be a part of my life.

Well now that I don't have a car or money I have a new found inhibition to do something with my life and stop being so scared.

I am trying to stop smoking and shopping. Two habits that need breaking baaaaaaadly.
I also need to purchase a new car. (Thank God I wrecked my car around Christmas) I want a Civic or and Accord... Maybe a Focus?
Well whatever I get, after I buy it I am moving back to The Woodlands. I've decided that Houston isn't for me. Living in the city is truly not all it's hyped up to be. Honestly I like The Woodlands better AND I can just DRIVE to Houston in my new CAR whenever I feel like it. I plan on getting an apartment somewhere near The Woodlands and find a waitressing job and go to school (Montgomery College). JP will probably be moving in with me, which will be very nice. I've already gotten used to him being around 24/7 I don't know what I would do without him. He is my brain. My equalizer. My other, better half.

Once these things are accomplished I will be on my way to become
a) a photographer
b) an architect/designer
c) accounting???

I'm still thinking about it. It's tough when you don't feel like you're really good at anything. It's strange because I was in band ALL through middle school AND high school (I know I'm a dork...) and I never knew how good I was until now. I mean I wasn't the best but I could play oboe and marimba very well. Especially marimba and I loved it. I regret quitting.

Things happen for a reason though right? Well I think so anyways.

Religion has been a big issue in my brain as well. All of the recent "problems" in my life has really got me reflecting on my purpose. Being raised in a Christian home has molded me into one I guess. I am a Christian. WOW! I have only recently started to tell people because for a while I though I was atheist... that was when things were going VERY well for me. I am so very grateful for what I have now. I was never spoiled but I had it easy. And now that things aren't so easy I see the big picture. It sucks that I had to be 19 when I figured this all out though.

Anyways. If you had asked me in high school where I’d be in 2 years I would have never guessed I’d be where I am today. I’ve learned to go with the flow. Be more easy-going. If you know me at all you’d know that I am the most controlling person around. I’ve let loose finally. A lot of it has to do with mister Jean –Paul. When I am with JP I can forget about all the bad things. The negativity. My horrible thoughts that conveniently set in right as I go to bed... Ok I threw that in there but I am serious. I have become a better a version of myself lately.

Even knowing that I don't have car or health insurance or that I have been a student for a year and a half and I only have like 8 credit hours, I can still breathe a sigh of relief. I can get back on my feet. I have supporters. My family (Derek especially), JP, Michel, and Karin. Thank you guys.

If you actually read this all... um…You know a little bit more about me that you would probably never know. I keep most of this nonsense inside <3

I wrecked my car.
I am a loser.

BUT I had a good time anyways.

I like you JP. I like you a lot <3